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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

5 Reasons Why Blogging Shouldn't Feel like High School (but sometimes does)

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I have been reading a few of your posts lately about  
feeling inadequate
 in the blogging world.
I, too, have felt this way as there is always someone bigger and better to
compare ourselves 
to but this post is just to encourage you to
keep doing your thing and being you!! 
{This is almost more of a pep talk to myself as well!}



1) You're not sportin' designer: 
Listen, in highschool it was important to look cool and I know I felt looked down on because I wore the cheap clothes and shoes (you know, the ones your parents could actually afford) and not designer. This can translate into blogging, you have seen some blogs out there that just blow away design and might have paid bucko bucks for their look. Now there is nothing wrong with having money, or an awesome look, but don't you go feeling bad about yours if you don't have it. Get what you can afford and make it work for you!

2) You feel like you're not in the cool clique:
In high school groups are well defined. You were either in one, or you weren't, and usually you weren't asked to join in if you didn't already belong to one. This led to many hurt feelings and low self esteems. Believe me, I wasn't in any cool clique but I am sure I was in some kind of group.
You may have experienced this in blogging, I hope not much. I know sometimes we imagine people to be exclusive more than they really are. Sometimes we are already rejected in our minds before we are ever rejected in reality. 
This is not high school and you have something valuable to add to every community. What I have decided is that I am not going to exclude anyone and I am going to assume everyone likes me and wants to me my friend until they tell me otherwise. Don't be a self fulfilling propechy in that, you tell yourself no one will like you before you ever give them a chance to decide. People will like you and your blog, because you have something of quality to offer. Believe that.
(This can be for real life too!)


3) You say, "I'll never be as ________ as her"
We all compare. I want to be as thin, beautiful, great at homemaking, great at business, great at exercise....FILL IN THE BLANK. We want to be a better version of ourselves, sure, but how does the quote go? 

"Be a first class version of yourself, not a second class version of someone else." 

We all look to big bloggers to see how they do things, how we can emulate them etc. But take those things that you are learning and put it back into making you a better you and your blog more of a refection of who you are. You don't have to be "so and so", you do have to be you, however. So try not to compare! Today you might have dingy photos or 20 followers, but that is today..we have nothing but time to get better and keep trying! Another good quote "How you FEEL today, is not WHO YOU ARE!"



4) The "cool kids" are intimidating
When I first started blogging I felt like a fraud, I still do sometimes. I thought people would be annoyed with me if I commented on their blog, or if I asked them questions, etc. I have found the blogging community, in contrast, so amazingly helpful and supportive. Usually those "cook kids" or "big bloggers" don't have such a "I am so much better than you" mentality that we might think. They were where you were at one point, they know what it is like. Don't be intimidated by them, see them as your teachers and resources! Reach out to them if they are extra intimidating to you. 
A personal example for me, one blogger seemed "untouchable" too cool for me, so many followers, so beautiful, etc etc. I started getting an attitude towards her. I made myself start commenting on her blog, even asked advice etc. Now I think of her more as a friend and she has been so helpful to me and not "better than me mentality" at all!


5) Avoid the mean kids
Sometimes there are just bullies, people who want to make you feel small, in high school, in life, in blogging. There are those people everywhere, and we all know what insecurity can manifest as, usually this kind of attitude. Don't let it change you or make you question what you do or yourself, just avoid these kinda people. People are going to be this way sometimes, and there is not much we can do about it! Haters gonna hate yall. 
Just do you, and keep doing it well!


Have you experienced any of these feelings? Share and let me know how you dealt with it. If I get some great ones I will share them so we can all learn and be encouraged!

42 comments:

  1. I deal with many of these thoughts every day so I procrastinate a lot when it comes to writing my posts or actually make my blog better. But I am combatting it by making myself write one post aday because if I don't then it is all too easy not to do again tomorrow. Now I am almost at 50 followers, I get encouraging comments and I have a few that has almost become friends to me.
    Right now I just wish I could find more Seattle bloggers and maybe even meet up with them for some kind of workshop to help eachother make our blogs better, but I am too shy to ask (hint hint to anyone from the greater Seattle area ;) )

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  2. I just recently found your blog through a friend and have been going through your hair tutorials and thinking I couldn't ever be as good at hair as you. Glad to know you're just the same as me!

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  3. Love your EM favicon! Glad the tutorial was helpful!

    making life a Bliss

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  4. You are such a sweetie Eisy! I enjoy your blog and this post was great. Lately I have read posts about those who will no longer blog and those struggling and thinking of giving it up. For me, I began blogging about 5 months ago thinking it would be fun and in the process maybe, just maybe, someone would find my topics interesting, helpful or just think I would be a good blog friend. I didn't realize the time it would take, so I now realize the importance of making sure the important things in life don't take a back seat to blogging. Time...there is never enough of it!
    Blessings,
    Cindy

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  5. Loved loved loved this post!!! Thanks Ashley...it always feels so good to know that you are not alone. I have daily conversations in my head(not as crazy as i sound, swear!lol)about blogging & my struggles to really figure out what I want my blog TO BE...I figure it will come to me one of these days!!Ha. Hope you are having a good week, so far!xo

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  6. I've only been blogging for a couple of months and I love it- but there have been times where I felt just like you said. I keep trying to focus on positives: I'm proud that I started a blog, I'm proud that I've stayed committed to updating it and 22 people think I'm interesting enough to read what I have to say! :)

    Thanks for such a wonderful post. It's encouraging to know even you have those moments (but you definitely shouldn't)!

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  7. Great ideas! It is funny how I think we all mostly feel the same! But I like the not comparing, I am working on that in life in general! Thanks for posting!

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  8. I completely agree with your posting today. I feel that instead of focusing on our shortcomings focus on what we have to offer each other. I have learned SO much from other creative and talented woman since I came into the world of blogging. Personally, I just try to stay focused on my life and what is of true value. It's my family! I write a blog as a creative outlet to showcase my love of crafts and DIY. Everything else is just a plus!

    Heather

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  9. I love this post and THANKYOU! For being so new to the blogging world i often feel "inadequate" but then i realized i can read the blogs and feel INSPIRED rather then make me feel like i can never add up. I love the qoute " How you feel today is NOT who you are".... I've been having a rough couple weeks and haven't posted because i feel like it doesn't matter i only have 7 followers in my head its like "who am I even talking too" But thanks to you i realize I don't really have to be "talking" to anyone instead I'm relieving my own stress and giving myself a healthy outlet to do this. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou You have helped me with your one post more than i think you could ever realize. *Caity from Teachings from Lil Slug a Bug

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  10. Bingo, you really hit the nail on the head for me! I do find myself looking at the big blogs and questioning "what am I doing here?"

    I was gonna start a blog hop, had the button ready and post and then I just chickened out! I was afraid no one would want to be a part of it. So yes, I think I have some intimidation issues to deal with. I guess our lives are kinda like an onion~~just keep peeling the layers until you get to the good part!

    Your comments really made alot of sense and your kind heart was just shining through!

    Thanks so much!

    Cherie

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  11. Way to go! Great post! And truth is blogging should be fun. We sometimes forget that there has never been and will never be another you and me so we should be the original to the fullest....carbon copies just don't pop as much... :) if you get what I mean.

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  12. I can relate to number 4! Great post...never thought about comparing blogging to HS...but, you're right!

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  13. I'm back from a blog fast, more like avoidance of all things online. I totally relate to all of that and now that I'm prego I'm even more emotional! BTW...WOW! Your blog is looking AMAZING! You're kicking butt and taking names! Good for you! Congrats!

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  14. Umm... yes, yes and yes! Felt all these... still feel this. I can totally relate. What great post to let us all know SO many people feel the same way! :) So happy you posted this on the (in)courage blogfrog!

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  15. This is something I've started to grapple with a lot since I started to expand my blog early last month. Before, when my blog was just for family/myself, I had no problems and was so happy with the blog. Now that I'm trying to reach out to a bigger audience, ooh girl do I feel all sorts of insecure.
    #3 is especially hard for me because I often fall into the snare of compare; I'm hoping this gets better because again, I'm the only me that's blogging.
    Thanks again for this post; you put into words what I've been feeling!

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  16. Holy cow, how did you get into my head!?! Hahaha! This post is freaking awesome. I think you and I would have been best friends in High School. And my, oh my, it would have been a riot! And you would do my hair every day before school. ;)

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  17. I have always struggled with insecurities and it has not gotten better with age. I have played around with blogging for two years now and never took the step to be more serious because all those things you list above circle around in my head every day. A couple of months ago I decided that I would take blogging more seriously, came up with a new name, let go of my other blogs and even designed my site myself (which believe me was a challenge!) but those thoughts are still there and keep me from saying much. Even though I really, really want to.

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  18. Um, yeah...some can say this does to happen.."everyone is bloggy world is so nice..." not true. It does happen some people never grow up, some people chose to be someone different online, and some people do not have integrity. I can get very fired up over this issue. Sharing this on FB

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  19. What a great post! You hit on so any topics that I have been struggling with! I ll have to say I have found some blog clicks and am Super intimidated by some "Big Bloggers" Thanks for the tips and for the inspiration!! Your pretty awesome!

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  20. I came over via a FB post from someone I adore, Holly @ 504 Main, and I am SO glad I did. You took so many thoughts right out of my head and did such an awesome job of expressing them. I stopped reading after the first paragraph to make sure and follow you! I have had days when I let myself get wrapped up in some of these tangles but am just going to focus on continuing to do my thing because that's what started my blogging in the first place. Thanks so much for your wonderful post!

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  21. Love this post. Yes, I have had many of these feelings before. When I found myself worrying if my post would be interesting to others instead of just blogging what was on my heart - it was a wakeup call for me and I changed my thought process. "It doesn't matter what other bloggers are doing - just be yourself, because that makes you unique."

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  22. Oh Ashley...I just love ya!! You are SO keeping it real. I appreciate it so much...you are inspiring and honest....THANK YOU. I also know that I am not the only person who needs to read this. :)

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  23. Great post! It touched on many of the things that we have all felt at one time or another while blogging.

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  24. I have, but then I sit and think how silly I am. I am just so excited that anyone is interested in me, and I love when the "big Bloggers" write me back on my comments. I comment so often, and so many write back most of the time. It always makes me smile.

    #5 is something that I really need to remember for my real world right now. I have been struggling with people in general, and part of it is because I feel like I gave a piece of myself away in order to make others happy. It's not really a good place to be.

    Thanks for all of the encouragment.

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  25. Very well put.

    I do love that there are some bloggers who will go out of their way to help one another. I've had a couple of problems and found someone either with info on their blog or with one-on-one willing to help.

    Please drop by our blogwarming giveaway and enter to win six antique blue jars. www.theoldblockhouse.blogspot.com

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  26. Thx 4 your honesty. It helps with little people like myself who have only been blogging for a month. I feel very intimidated when reading other blogs because I am so new to this & so much to learn. I am new at following you, but I really love your blog & that you try to help others like with this post. Keep it up because I am enjoying it & slowly learning! :)

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  27. Great encouragement girl! I've thought some very similiar things! It's so good to know I'm not the only one! Thanks for this!

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  28. Great post! I think we all feel that way sometimes no matter how wonderful we truly know we are! It's human nature!
    The blog design one is why I started designing blogs-I wanted the 'little' people who can't afford the pretty designs from the $300 designers to be able to have a pretty blog! I charge $60 for a full blog makeover & it makes me so happy when my clients are THRILLED they can have the pretty blog & not break the bank! It makes me feel really good about what I do!
    Thanks again for your post-I came over from Tip Junkie's blog frog community!
    -Kristi
    from Creative Kristi

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  29. I love this post! It's so easy to get hung up on stats and followers in the blogging world rather than focusing on why you thought it was a good idea to blog in the first place. I had no idea what a complex world blogging was when I first started blogging. Now that I know, it can be overwhelming and hard to find my "niche."

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  30. Stopping by from Red's BF Community. Great post! I love your inspiration to just be you.

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  31. Such an awesome blog to read this morning!! Thank you, Thank you!

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  32. Thank you so much for posting this. I have felt all five of these things EXACTLY as you described them. Getting into blogging has been so much fun, but I find myself spending hours and hours just wishing I were like _____. I think it is very important to remember why you blog in the first place. I really needed to read this post today. It lifted my spirits dramatically. Thanks so much!

    P.S. I am your newest follower. :)

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  33. you're my hero. ditto to what everyone said.

    now that i know there are 20something people above me who have felt the same way, i also know that i have 20something new people to reach out to :)

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  34. Thanks for writing this. May I write something and link to your post? It is all sooo true. In the past year I have learned how to blog, been to my 30 year reunion and I'm turning 50 in October, which means you are exactly 20 years younger than me. I look back and think somethings I was a failure and somethings I'm great. Health issues cause me to not be the top of my game, but I'm reinventing myself.

    Don't laugh..I just copied what I wrote to start a new post with it. lol

    Thanks for sharing! Katharine

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  35. I recently started my blog and kinda got a little slap in the face yesterday in blogland. I was venting to a friend who directed me to this post. THANK YOU! You are so right! I am going to just let things go and just move on with what I am doing on my blog and who I am and not try to compare myself to anyone else. I like what I am doing and I know other people do too.
    Thanks for the much needed reminders!

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  36. Ashley, Such great advice and thoughts. I think most people start out excited and then get nervous or feel intimidated, but you're right on--being "you" is where it's at. I love reading your blog and will continue to follow for more inspiration!

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  37. What a great post! I could relate with every point you made.

    One of my biggest issues is trying to get the right "niche" for my blog. It all feels very cluttered in my head. I want to simultaneously do a great recipe/baking blog, talk about running, incorporate faith and keep my family updated...argh! So much going on in my head!

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  38. i'm finally getting around to reading these and this was A GREAT POST!!! i feel super inadequate in the blogging realm so this was my little pick me up! :) thanks!!!

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  39. Reading this post was the best thing for me. The timing couldn't have been better. I seriously have to keep this post within arms reach. I am currently faced with the challenge of trying to keep up with my blog while in military training. Long days, and short nights while also trying to keep in shape and staying strong being away from my daughter...ugh it sounds like a sob story, but reading this post makes me realize that I can really channel all that into my blog and be myself!

    Seriously though, every number felt like it applied to me! I really want to print this out and keep it at arm's length maybe even paste it to the wall behind my laptop.

    Seriously, thank you. :)

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  40. What a great post. I am new to the blogging world, (16bourne.blogspot.com) and loved your thoughts and advice. Thanks again!!

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