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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Why I’m scared to get pregnant again…

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We are quickly approaching our planned time to try for number two. My sister did these maternity photos for me and is basically an amazing photographer and managed to make me look better than I actually did during this time, but the reality was much different.
AshleysPreggoPics092This face is more accurately depicts how I felt/looked at that time.
I have no idea I had such a hard pregnancy, because, what did I have it to compare it to? Nothing, and I was the first of my close friends to get pregnant.
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Basically I retained water like no body’s business which resulted in a very puffy face, hands and everything else, had crazy chest, back and neck acne (you can see it in several of the photos), my nose spread into a man’s shape, among other regular pregnancy things. I had to be admitted to the hospital at one point for low iron (my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest).
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On top of that my son was HUGE! When he was born he was 9lb9oz. He grew big from the beginning, that and I am just not a small gal, so I was just big. I got “are you due any minute?” at 7 months. “Are you having TWINS?” and the infamous in-law experience of “wow, you have put on a lot of weight!” Shoot me now!
When you are used to hiding your flaws all your life so people won’t notice that roll or blemish, its like a vail is ripped down and because you are pregnant everyone makes it a point to remark on every little thing that it is unusual, like we aren’t already completely aware.
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I think that it had to do a lot with the fact that my personality type doesn’t deal well with a lot of change all at once, even if it is good. I had dated and married my husband within 8 months and was pregnant 3 months after we were married. Talk about HUGE life changes from 27, single, footloose and fancy free and within a year and a half I am married and having a child. We also struggled with going from two incomes to one and were very tight financially, so that meant very few maternity clothes, hair cuts, just feeling better.
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My son, is a beautiful gift, and I couldn’t love him anymore. DSC02696I can’t imagine NOT having another one and let’s be honest….the time does fly by. I think what you get back far outweighs what we might have to go through.
 menashton
And so, despite my fear…I think I am ready to know another little part of our family will be coming soon.

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20 Thank you for your thoughts:

Mandi @MandiBeingCrafty said...

I know what you mean! Pregnancy and me do not get along very well. Swollen everything, and I am really irritated for most of it. We have three boys right now and my husband REALLY wants to have another to try for a girl. I still go back and forth on it.

Amanda said...

Ohhh what a lovely post, how exciting too!

I've been the same, my pregnancy with the twins was horrendous, at 6 months I had some woman come up and say 'my god, your huge' in the middle of a store, very loud! My hysterical sobs made sure everyone knew! Doesn't help I'm 5"1, I must have been as wide as tall. But like you, got through it, and would do it all again tomorrow for another baby!

You sound ready, your realistic about how it was the first time, and realise what a blessing you get at the end!

Jayna Rae said...

Being a mom for the second time was scary. I wondered would I have enough love? Would I forget about my first boy and leave him behind? What if my luck had run out? My second pregnancy was more like your first, while my first was a cake walk over all. However, GOD IS GOOD! He blesses us with the ability to love more than we can imagine. He gets us through the tough times by allowing us to not always see how tough they are or how icky we feel. So, go for it! Enjoy it! Your little guy will love his sibling, and your love will abound even more.

Chas @ A Woman's Haven said...

I think you looked beautiful! I completely understand how you feel though. Each month when I am at my doctor appointment I get nervous to get on the scale. I have always struggled with body image and fluctuating weight and to feel like you have no control of the weight while you are pregnant makes you feel worse. I just keep telling myself that I will just have to work hard after I have my little one. I am hoping I don't have a lot of swelling to go along with the weight gain, but time will tell.
It is very exciting that you are getting close to adding a new addition to your family!

Erica @ Acire Adventures said...

Awe! I feel for you. It's so unfair that some women have to have such difficult pregnancies. On the bright side, many women have drastically different experiences with subsequent pregnancies. And in the end, having two little ones, close in age, will far outweigh the unpleasant months of pregnancy. Hopefully getting pregnant this time won't be such a shock to your system since you've been married and a momma for a while now. :)

Vivian said...

AWWW these are some lovely shots. You my dear would make some beautiful ones as well. Love your attitude towards adding a new member to your family. They are such a blessing indeed.

Brooke Anna @ Mommy Does... said...

I feel ya! I had what they call Pruritic Folliculitis. My whole body was a massive breakout. I itched my skin until it bled. I have gawd awful scars all over my once tight, smooth skinned former self. I was RH negative, had a swollen body. It was so bad that I looked like a ball on a giant ball with ball legs and squishy ball feet. I lived in crocks and even then, my feet busted out of them. I was 1 week over-due with Little Girl, and she weight 8 lbs. 13 ounces. They took her by emergency c-section and practically ripped her from my body. Little Boy was dealt the same fate. He was an emergency c-section as well, and after that cut to my body... I can't feel anything from above my navel down. I lost all feeling of my stomach, and I believe my incision has a hernia. They were 17 months to the day, almost to the hour apart. 2/7/08 at 3:16PM and 7/7/09 at 12:02PM.
I wouldn't change it for the world though. My children are now my purpose in life. I strive to make their life comfortable and safe.

PS- If you have a girl, she is going to be one beautiful darling! But, then again... I might be a bit biased :D

Ashley Tremaine said...

Hey girlie!
Let me start by saying you looked GORGEOUS in these photos!! But I wanted to tell you EVERY pregnancy is different...I hope that gives you some hope. I've had 4 very different pregnancies....and who knows, if it is a girl you may not have ANY of those same issues as last time. Please don't worry about what is to come...start praying now for specifics, God is there, listening. Be specific in your requests. I'm sorry you are stressing over this, but I will be praying for you!! :)

Melissa said...

Love this! I think we all go through something like this when deciding to do it all again. Even those who had easy 1st pregnancies (yes, I was one of those). But all three of mine where different, and I bet yours will be too. Good luck to you!!

Barbie said...

Awwwe your son is gorgeous!!!! I hated being pregnant the first time thats why we waited so long for the second. My son is 6yrs my daughter is 7months. And guess what I hated my second pregnancy too lol But it was totally worth it!!
-Barbie
http://lovinlifebarbie.blogspot.com/

Venassa said...

I don't blame you for being hesitant about getting pregnant again. I've had a fairly easy pregnancy so I can't really relate. Maybe that means I'll have a harder labor to make up for it, who knows. I'm sure it'll all be worth it when the little one gets here though.

Lindsay said...

I keep telling my husband if this pregnancy (my 1st) doesn't get better, we may have to stop at one! I know I'm only semi-joking because I really want two children, but sometimes in the midst of all the unpleasant parts it can be difficult to see the bigger picture.

kristina said...

we are trying now too and i fell THE SAME WAY!! ;)

J A C Q U E L I N E said...

I understand how you feel. Just remember that it is an honor to be able to have children. The weight gain only really bothers us because we live in a culture obsessed with being thin. Go against the culture get your curves on and have a baby! May God give you the grace to enjoy this journey all the comes with it and hopefully this time it will be all glow and no sickness! :)

Ashley said...

Why is it people feel like they can comment on a pregnant woman's body etc in a way that they never would if you weren't pregnant? It's awful. Pregnancy is so hard, I can totally relate to your fear of doing it again. But I will tell you, the joy you will get from seeing your kids interacting is worth it! Even though having two is really hard, I think it's wonderful for the children. Also know that each pregnancy is different so you may get lucky the 2nd time! :) XO

kinze said...

beautiful images ... and so sorry about your pregnancy ... but it definetly looks like it was well worth it ... because you have quite the handsome son on your hands! love this post ... coming from the weigands!

Susan said...

I struggled with each of my pregnancies - in my case extreme nausea throughout - and had three! That little smiling face is so worth it I am sure.
Your pics are lovely.

tahnie said...

Pregnancy is rough, but the end result is beyond priceless. I went through a very high risk pregnancy, with a transplanted kidney, and I would do it all again if it wasn't so dangerous to my health. Girl, you are SO lucky you can have another one. ;)

xo.

Jessi said...

I have learned to trust God for the timing of kids. Believe me, I have been afraid to get pregnant many times. We lost several babies through miscarriage and each time I wondered if it would happen again. But, the Lord has placed a large family on our hearts so we keep going forward.

Just remember, now matter how bad it is or was, there are always others who have it worse. And what can be more incredible than the blessing you get at the end of it all!? (oh and the fact that pregnancy eventually ends. yay for that! :)

reza said...

really good article with great picture that much help to understand

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