I'm Afraid of Your Perceptions

Life can be tiring. 


Running after children, 
school, 
work, 
wife-ing, 
cooking,
 cleaning, 
whatever it is we busy ourselves doing. 

authenticity
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But do you know what I really thinks makes us the most tired, our own minds! 

Even if we finish all the items on our to-do list I am sure there is something that plagues our minds, even if its deeply sub-conscious. 

We run a stupid comment we made over and over in our brains thinking about how ignorant, rude, annoying we must have come across, and that 

"wasn't even what I meant anyways" 

{I even hum or make a noise when I do this so I can make myself STOP thinking about it!}

 I still have a LONG list of how I want to be perceived by people.
 Some things I can brush off with no problem at all, not caring what people think.
 While other things nag at me, taunting me about how far from perfect I am, how far I always will be.

 I imagine what people 
"must be thinking"
 about this or that behavior, this or that choice, etc etc.

I am a people pleaser by nature. Can I get a witness?? 
I want people to like me, its natural...but not to the detriment of my own well being.
Am I really going to allow myself get to the point of loathing my own life and self and wearing shame like its my favorite coat in order to keep 
all of 
"THEM" 
happy with me?

But this is what we do, isn't it?

We sacrifice our marriages, our children, ourselves in order  to 
"look a certain way" to THEM.
 {Whoever THEY may be}


We scramble for approval and still find ourselves coming up short because we can't please everyone. We tell ourselves we are horrible failures because we can't be super mom, super employee, super wife, super ministry lady, all while looking gorgeous, skinny, and be happy about it all the time. 

As many of you know I  am coming out of a season of depression and I am looking back a little bit trying to learn why it happened, what was I letting sit in my mind, what were the prevailing thoughts or circumstances. Some I thought I knew, others I didn't think were as big of a deal I am learning may have really been triggers to things.


I bought a new audio book to listen to while I run last weekend. It's "I thought it was just me (but it isn't)" by Brene Brown. According to her CNN article the editor describes her this way "BrenĂ© Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent 10 years studying vulnerability, shame, authenticity and courage. She is the author of "The Gifts of Imperfection" (Hazelden) and has ablog on courage."

This book, although I am only a few chapters in, is helping me realize that I was living in shame for the past year and a half or so. That I started shutting down under the fear that I would never be able to measure up to everyone's expectations out there. It's an interesting read for sure, check out her blog or website if you are interested in her work.


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We all have lists of how we want to be perceived and how we don't want to be perceived!
Some of those things stem from how we grew up and from other important influential groups in our life.

I have found I think A LOT about this when it comes to Facebook. I really think twice about anything I write, and this is my personal Facebook and these people are the one's I call "friends". I am afraid I will be perceived as unspiritual, a bad mother, selfish, ignorant, etc etc etc. Why? Because you see people get ripped apart for improper grammar, for sharing their opinion, and we know the way we ourselves scoff at so and so for posting such a stupid thing.

But if I am a person in process, then why am I so hard on myself and what am I so afraid of? I can not control how you perceive me, but I can control myself and my thoughts. 
Today I Choose Authenticity - Brene Brown
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I am going to run Heart Therapy again on this coming Tuesday about our feared perceptions if you would like to join in.

Dr. Brene Brown says this:
"Why, when we know that there's no such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone?
 Is it that we really admire perfection?
No -- the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect."
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Here are the questions I will be answering and you can join me if you would like:


3-5 Ideal Identities:
I want to be perceived as:
1
2
3
4
5



3-5 Unwanted Identities
1
2
3
4
5

Then answer the following questions about your unwanted identities:
What do these perceptions mean to us?
Why are they so unwanted?
Where did the messages that fuel these identities come from?

Looking at the list of unwanted identities complete the following sentences:
If you label me and reduce me to this list of unwanted identities, you will miss the opportunity to I'm complex, and I have many strengths including:
1
2
3









4 Thank you for your thoughts:

  1. love your photos and i love your blog! i found it through a mutual follower- would you be interested in a button swap?! let me know!! xoxo.carolinalove@gmail.com

    http://xoxo-carolinalove.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. One thing I love about you is your willingness to lay it all out there because in the end, we (well, "we" as in me) all feel the same way. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out who "I" am because I've created myself around this persona of how everyone else perceives me to be. It's hard to be authentic when I don't even know what that looks like for me!

    This is funny timing because I've been mulling around an idea of blogging again for the purpose of figuring out who I am, so thanks for helping me out! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am always impressed by your strength and will!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love that E E Cummings quote...I believe it is so, so true and something to remember! Thank you for all the inspiration you put forth...and I hope this weekend is bringing you some relaxing moments that you truly deserve! Oh, and love your new blog layout! :)

    ReplyDelete

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